Use all your resources to find the right role

Make sure you do your networking when you are looking for a new job. Use all your connections in your industry and contact them regularly to see what jobs they know about and also go to meet relevant people in the industry to get your name out there. Make use of social networking sites. Alternatively send your CV round to any friends who have recently got new jobs if they have similar skills to you as they are likely to still be in contact with recruiters or companies that are interested in skills and they will be able to refer you to them.

Recruiter or not when looking for a new role?

When looking for a new job you may want to use Recruitment Consultants or you may decide against it. The main benefit of doing your own recruitment is that you get the full picture of the situation, have full control of how many CV’s you send out and how they are chased up and have your interests at number one priority. These days there are so many recruiters out there, they don’t care who they place in the roles they have and will send more than just your CV to any one client to try and get a hit. Also, i’ve found that if you do manage to find a job and you go direct you have more of a chance because the company don’t have to pay the fees to the recruiter to hire you.

Getting that elusive first job after uni

It is certainly true that you can get a bit despondent when it seems like everyone else has a great job lined up after university apart from you. However, this does not mean that just because you have been unsuccessful so far, either through a lack of applications or just the state of the marketplace, you won’t get one in the near future.

Many graduates do have to take a lower level job than what they would have expected after their degree but it is what you do with the job that can define your future. Plus, most people do not end up in the same career area all their lives like it was common to do in the past.

Make sure you are proactive and plan a job strategy and something should turn up sooner or later.

How to alienate your workmates

If you work in an office environment, you may want to alienate most of your workmates. This is a serious task and you’ll not want to take any chances. Plan your alienation.

A good start is to take a watching brief. Watch the people who are widely considered ‘massive tools’ and make note of what they do to achieve this reputation. If a person regularly walks into your room and insults one of your colleagues and then attempts to get everyone else to join in with them in some group bullying, try that. A person like this thinks that everyone is on their side. They think that everyone’s against their chosen target.

But they’re not.

How to get promoted

You’ve been working in your junior administrative position for 26 years now. You’ve not vomited on the desk in eight years and you’ve not stabbed anyone for three. Chances are you’re close to promotion. How do you ensure this happens?

First of all, promotion is NOT about the quality of your work, your attitude or the number of years since the last knife-related fatality. Ignore these elements. You’re kidding yourself and it will only cause you frustration.

Promotion is actually about golf. Take up the sport of golf and try and play against your immediate superior and preferably someone from another department as well. If you can create a situation where someone says to your boss that you’re good at golf, you are guaranteed to climb the corporate ladder.

A good telephone manner

Having a good telephone manner is all about acting. Chances are, you will instantly despise at least 90 per cent of the people who phone up. The remainder will earn your hatred with their attitude. The trick is to act like you don’t wish they had some sort of inflammation of the pancreas.

First of all, you should always pick the phone up. No-one wants to pick the phone up, because there is almost always someone on the other end of it, but pick it up you must. Having done so, utter a greeting. Don’t just sigh at length, like a deflating air bed.